The way I cry
I have to admit I cried like a baby this time leaving Portugal. I don't think I've cried for the last 7 years, in all the times I visited, but for some reason, this time was different.
Maybe because I spent a long time in Portugal and got too used to it again, maybe because I spent almost 2 weeks with my brother or maybe because I know I won't be back for another year. I don't know, but the reality is, as soon as I said goodbye and stopped being able to see them, I started crying. I'm talking all the way to security check, past security check, up until one of the shops inside the airport. There, a funny thing happened: a couple, Asian, they looked Korean but for some reason I thought they were talking Thai. We were at a Portuguese souvenirs shop and they were discussing some sort of souvenir. I caught myself with a massive smile on my face while looking at him and finding it so adorable the way he was speaking with her.
That one moment made me happy. And in those 3 seconds I forgot everything else. I don't try to find a justification for me crying or for some emotions that might come up because, if you're going through those emotions, you won't be able to access them properly. But at that particular moment I thought - 'This is the reason why I go, time after time. These are the things I love experiencing. This couple was put in front of me to show me this and to take my tears away. Plus... Asian man are so cute!'
I remember different episodes that helped me see the world in a different light. The fact that all my Thai colleagues gave me clothes when I first joined the school, so I looked more teacher like / more conservative. One of them even bought me a blazer; my Thai assistant giving me 5 of her 12 eggs, even though I earn 3 x more than her; that time I learned how to eat with my hands with a half Indian half Indonesian guy; the time I discussed men attractiveness with a Vietnamese girl; or the time a Malay family received me as one of their own, in their house, and took me to see the best things in town and taste the best foods in town.
Life can be complicated if you choose to look at it like that. For me, life is life. This beautiful thing we are all experiencing. You can turn it into whatever you want and even if it's not quite what you want, you can choose to look at it positively and still embrace it for all it is. For me, life is not complicated. Life is beautifully complex, full of possibilities and you have the power to give your life the journey you want to live. I love my family, more than anything in the world (!!), but I am also living my life, following my own path and trying to develop myself. There are so many stories I can tell you of experiences I had, people I've met, things I've seen. Those are the things I look forward to, that give meaning to my life. Those are the things that make those tears worth it.
I am lucky enough to have the best brother in the world, who supports me in all ways possible. He put it beautifully in the following words: "As long as you're happy, that's all that matters to me."
I often wonder if this is the right way of doing things, if I should be closer to my family. I sometimes feel selfish for having this kind of lifestyle, being far from them. But I also know that I can't make my life all about them. They have their path, I have mine. I have to follow my path and keep exploring what makes me happy.
Where it will lead me? No idea to be honest. But I will keep writing about it.